The Ache of Desire- Part 2

In the last entry I posed the question, “Why face the question of ultimate desire when doing so can leave us feeling so confused, frustrated, and disappointed?” In response I indicated that it was only through facing such disappointment that we could ever arrive at the self-understanding necessary to find real direction and answers to life’s most fundamental questions.
In truth I must confess I have bitten off more than I bargained for! As I imagined what I wanted to include in this continuation I very soon realized that I had a mountain of info and no idea how to organize and share these ideas in a coherent fashion. Hence the great amount of time it has taken me to even begin.

The whole point of this blog entry was to begin to explore how we reach awareness of what we most desire, not by figuring out what brings us the most pleasure in our lives, but by examining and entering into those aspects of our lives that leave us the most disappointed. I wanted to explore the surprising paradox that we find life by entering disappointments rather than fleeing them. C.S. Lewis said that God whispers through our pleasures and shouts through our pain. I used to think he meant that God teaches us more through our pain or that we are more inclined to listen and cling to Him in our pain, in either case the emphasis was on learning lessons and becoming more moral. This is somewhat true; we do learn from our pains, and being more attentive to God’s teaching does help facilitate our growth in moral understanding and practice. But at this season in my life I no longer believe that was primarily what Lewis was talking about. I believe Lewis was referring to a quality of relationship with God in which our pains become, not simply instructive, but invitational. Through my own journey of deeply entering and owning my sorrows I have learned (quite reluctantly I might add) that it is through the opportunity afforded me through my sorrows that I experience the deepest assurance, hope, encouragement, affirmation, and even joy in intimately communing with God. I have come to see His presence and glory more through my disappointments than my satisfaction. I have come to see the reality of heaven more through what is not than what is. This is what I want to share.
So, now that I am faced with such a task where do I begin?

After much consideration I have decided to further address the question as to why it is so important to get beneath the surface of our lives and discover what it is we truly desire. As mentioned, stirring up our longings for what life may not, at present, be providing can be truly painful and even life shattering for some. This truth was brought home to me more than ever in view of the recent shootings here in Omaha.

In the fourth chapter of the book of James, verses one through two we read, “What is causing the quarrels and fights among you? Isn’t it the whole army of evil desires at war within you? You want what you don’t have, so you scheme and kill to get it. You are jealous of what others have, and you can’t posses it, so you fight and quarrel to take it away from them.” (NLT) This horrible truth was displayed to all the world with devastating clarity when a young man by the name of Robert Hawkins took an assault rifle, massacred eight people, and left five more with serious wounds before turning the gun on himself and ending his own tormented life. His reasons? According to the suicide note Hawkins indicates it was because, “I've been a peice (sic) of (expletive) my entire life it seems this is my only option.” And later, “Just think tho I'm gonna be (expletive) famous.” Now, I am not suggesting these were the only factors that led this young man to such a tragic conclusion but clearly this was a boy who was tormented by, what to him seemed to be, an unattainable desire for worth and recognition.

This striking example adds extreme value to a cautionary stand when it comes to stirring up desire and lends even more credibility to the question, why do this to ourselves? In an attempt at answering this question I will break the rest of this entry into four parts each dealing with a different aspect of why discovering desire and facing disappointment is so crucial. These parts are as follows; Why discovering desire is necessary, Why it must involve facing disappointment, Why disappointment and what it tells us, and finally, What is the ultimate goal in facing desire.

Why discovering desire is necessary.

The first reason it is essential to uncover what we most desire is due to the fact that a person will always be compelled to do what they believe will take them to what they most value, that is what they most desire. So it is that until we discover the passions (deep desires) that move us we will never understand our actions nor will we posses the truth necessary to free us from those compulsive attractions. We will not understand our heart.

It is not simply a psychological theory that all behavior is goal orientated, but it is a well known biblical truth. Not only could I point to the previous text in the book of James to find evidence of this truth but the words of Jesus himself are replete with examples, both negative and positive, of how hidden desire dictates our actions. For example in the twelfth chapter of Luke Jesus tells us about a man driven to success and the gathering of wealth with an unquenchable appetite. This was a man so driven that he would actually destroy what he had just to continue his quest to gather more and more. For what? In verse nineteen we discover his hidden desire and motive, “And I (eventually) will sit back and say to myself, My friend, you have enough stored for years to come. Now take it easy! Eat, drink, and be merry!” And what was it that was driving this guy, what did he truly desire? From what I read I see a desire for validation (I will sit back and say to myself, My friend), security (you have enough stored for years to come.), and oddly enough rest that would enable joy (Now take it easy! Eat, drink, and be merry!”) Another time Jesus rebukes the scribes which loved to show off because they craved validation and honor from others.

On a positive note I am reminded of the faithful ones mentioned in the eleventh chapter of Hebrews who endured horrible circumstances on earth and refused to allow this world to capture them as it did the foolish builder but instead willingly embraced homeless status. Why? Well, because “they desire a better country, that is a heavenly one: for He has prepared for them a city.” (11:16)

In all these instances scripture is proclaiming the truth that our behaviors are always goal (desire) orientated and that often those desires that motivate us remain hidden. “The purposes of a man’s heart are deep waters, but a man of understanding draws them out.” Proverbs 20:5 (NIV) Are you confused by your actions? Do you find yourself repeating the same destructive patterns despite your best attempts at change? The first step toward freedom is gaining an understanding of what it is you are truly desiring.

The second reason it is necessary to discover our true desires is that, until we do gain such an understanding, we will have no criteria to weigh whether or not the course we are taking will ultimately lead us to what we most desire. How often have we heard and witnessed the misery of those who never knew what they had until it was gone? These are folks, just like you and I, who actually possessed what they truly desired yet traded it for lesser desires in pursuit of that which was, in reality, false and empty. I wonder, if the scribes mentioned above would have truly been aware of the deep and lasting affirmation they really desired if they would have been content with empty pomp and show? I wonder if the foolish builder had known that his desire for affirmation, security, and rest could never be achieved by more achievement would he have been so inclined to give his life to an empty cause? I don’t think so. They only valued what they valued, and hence acted as they acted, because of the hidden belief that these things were necessary instruments that alone could grant them what they most wanted. And so it was their sad fate that they should be enslaved to those things they wanted least in the false hope that they would in fact provide what they wanted most. They were slaves to false secondary desires.

This brings us to the final reason it is necessary to discover our deepest desires. Freedom. One of the most life changing principles I have ever encountered is that true freedom always moves toward true desire. In so far as a person is hopelessly enslaved (through unawareness) to following false desires that promise ultimate fulfillment, they will not experience true freedom to follow those desires they actually want. False, or lesser desires, when they become our focus, rob us of our ability to follow what we truly desire. We become driven rather than inspired. Guilt, pressure, and fear driven rather than invited. (I will further discuss this later.)

So these three reasons are paramount to understanding why it is necessary to uncover what we desire; desire reveals motives, understanding of motives enables objectivity, and objectivity fosters freedom to follow what we most desire.

Well that’s about all I can muster for the moment but stay tuned. I have my nifty outline completed and will be adding more soon. Until then, Peace Out My Brethren!